A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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