ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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