I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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