belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
