I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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