just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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