You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
