Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
