dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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