So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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