So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
