I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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