I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
