If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
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He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
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I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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