3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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