what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
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Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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