He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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