My hand turned me down
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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