so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
