I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
