One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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