OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well I just put wine in my tea
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
