she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
