Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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