I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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