I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
