I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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