i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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