also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
