You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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