put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
