OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
