dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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