Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
