i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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