I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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