Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
