I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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