I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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