Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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