glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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