Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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