Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
