they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
