I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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