I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
