Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
