I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
