Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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