she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
