Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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