i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
