Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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