He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
