I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
4 words: hood of his car
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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