I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
wow bdsm is so cute
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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