I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
