Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
