just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
