I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
