Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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