Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
