He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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