It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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