I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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