Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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