I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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